How to fix what I think may be an eating disorder?

My junior year of high school I started to become very self conscious about my body. I wasn't fat - I was about 5' 6'' and weighed probably around 134. I would eat 1200 calories each day and ride my recumbent bike an hour each day too. I lost quite a bit of fat and weight (I think I got down to 126 lbs) but was not toned and still was flabby. Then I ran cross country to maintain the fat loss and started to become more relaxed on what I ate because my coaches told the team to make sure we ate a lot. So when cross country was over, I had gained back some fat and was injured from running too much. While I was in my boot and on crutches I got into lifting. Once I finally was allowed to run again (not on hard pavement and not very long) I lifted 4-5 times each week and ran 2 times doing sprints on a treadmill. Eating wise at that point I was eating probably 1400-1500 calories each day but bingeing became a serious problem. Now, I am trying not to be overly obsessed with calories but I find myself whipping out my calculator on my phone a lot to calculate my daily intake. I binge practically any time my family is out of the house and eat very healthy when they're around. I can't stop myself anymore and I beat myself up mentally after doing it. While I'm eating the usually "forbidden" foods I think about how I'm pretty skinny and promise myself that this won't happen for at least another week but then a few days after eating really healthy I go back into the same loop. I'm sick of this. I see all of these skinny girls who can eat anything they want and then see myself constantly worrying about what I eat, what I do. I don't go out for ice cream with my friends because I don't order anything and then they might think I'm weird for not getting anything and then I'm at home alone the next day and I eat a large portion of the ice cream in the container in the freezer. My parents don't know I binge a lot. They think I eat super healthy all the time. I seriously don't know what to do. All I want is to get the body I want without having to give up all of the treats I love. I've read countless books on how to do enjoy treats in moderation but in the end I'm back to where I have been for a few months: hiding my bingeing and eating really healthy otherwise.